The practice of women adopting their husband’s surname after marriage dates back to the 9th century. So it’s safe to say that it is a practice that has always been there. It has been carried forward to successive generations ever since.
In the past, women did not have the option of having an independent identity. Before marriage, they were recognized by their fathers’ surnames. Taking up your husband’s surname meant that your family had willingly given you away to the man’s family.
Even though times have drastically changed and women today have the choice of retaining their names after marriage, this ancient practice is still deeply rooted in the patriarchal marital traditions. There are so many women who, to date, still identify themselves by their husbands’ surnames.
What has changed?
Even though at the roots, this is a tradition that weakens the woman’s position in society, we cannot deny the fact that it remains nearly ubiquitous. However, I have to point out that there has been an upward trend of women choosing not to go the traditional name changing the route.
There are so many ways women today can show they’re married without having to drop their own names. There is so much at stake, especially for career women, because they’re likely to lose all achievements they made before marriage by adopting a whole other name.
We will not deny the fact that fights for gender equality have borne more fruit in the last decade as compared to centuries ago, but women are not yet where they need to be. So it wouldn’t make sense for a hardworking woman in the corporate or academic sphere to lose their achievements simply because she’s now hitched.
Highly educated women who are career-committed, and identify as feminists are at the forefront when it comes to women who choose to abandon the traditional name changing practice after marriage.
Hyphening allows women to take up their husband’s surnames without dropping their maiden names.
So why do Women so often change their names?
This is the million-dollar question, but people don’t seem to ask it often enough. Since time immemorial, it has always been upon the woman to alter their identity upon marriage. If the issue was about families having a single surname, why wouldn’t couples jointly adopt a whole other name?
Women have always been put in situations where they felt they had to choose between self and family. They’ve always been the sacrificial lamb in families because they had to forego their individual interest for the unity of the family.
Any woman who chooses to retain their maiden name was seen as selfish, individualistic, and antagonistic to the family’s well-being.
Gender-Neutral Rationales
The rationale behind women dropping their maiden name instead of hyphening is not to burden the children with an overly long name. This, of course, is besides maintaining a family’s unity.
Many couples follow patriarchal marital traditions by default because these are practices they found other couples following. There is an overwhelming number of women who don’t really think about the whole process of changing their names.
Self-aware women can, however, never forget that this patriarchal marital practice is proof that the society does not deem a woman’s identity important enough to be retained after marriage. As soon as the wedding has been officiated, your identity as a woman is subsumed.
Of course, some women are happy with this choice, but for some, it is agonizing. Such unequal societal pressures are the reason why women still have to work twice as hard to get to where their male counterparts are.
The Pros of changing your Name after Marriage
Aside from the patriarchal perspective, women benefit from changing their names after marriage. You might not see the positive side of dropping your maiden name immediately, but eventually, you will.
- Uniting the Family
This is the most apparent advantage of changing your make on getting married. Having one name per family makes things much simpler.
This is especially after you get children, and they have to use the family name. When you hyphen your maiden name, children have a hard time figuring out what their family name is.
People will have an easier time recognizing you as a family unit as well, and this streamlines the activities you do as a family.
- It’s a perfect Excuse to Change your Maiden Name
If, for whatever reason, you’ve never liked your maiden name, this is the perfect excuse to change your name.
- Changing your Name makes you feel like a Family
For many brides, changing their last name makes them feel like a family. For many, this is an official symbol of commitment to each other.
- Avoid Confusing People
Whether you want to change your name or not, many people assume that you did. Automatically, people are likely to start addressing you by your husband’s name. Some may even get you a personalized doormat with the perceived family name. Sometimes, going with the flow is the best cause of action.
The Cons of Changing your Name after Marriage
Everything has its advantages and disadvantages, so does changing your name after marriage. Many women want to make it clear that getting married that not mean they become a different person. After all, the man changes nothing when they tie the knot, right?
Perhaps you should not change your name, and this is why;
- It’s likely to go against your Politics
Even though when couples tie the knot, people tend to refer to them as one; it does not mean that they cease being individuals. The opinions you held before marriage will still stand, and changing your name might compromise your political position.
What if it’s a same-sex marriage, who then is to change their name? Furthermore, agreeing to change your name implies that you’re still old fashioned and do not recognize that women are constantly fighting for their place in society.
- You Lose your Family Name
If you are the last of your family, changing your name upon marriage might not be the best option for you.
- You’ll Lose a Unique Name
If your name is unique, it’s going to hurt losing it. There are several alternatives available today that ensure you take up your husband’s name without having to drop yours.
- Your Reputation might Suffer
If you’re an accomplished career woman, the last thing you’d want to do is change your name. Re-establishing your reputation with the new name might take you years.
The Alternatives Women have
Fortunately, modern women don’t have to get a New Married Name because there are provisions within the law that ensure you don’t lose your identity.
- Hyphening your Last Name
The first option is the bride hyphening their last name, as the groom retains theirs. Other times, both the bride and the groom will hyphen their names to show they’re a married couple. This is something the two of you should discuss before the union is official.
One of the things to agree on is whose name will go first. You can consider pronouncing them to see which alternative sounds better and easier to remember. After all, people will use these names to interact with you.
- Keep your Maiden Name as a Middle Name
Instead of losing your maiden name, you can keep it as your middle name. You can then choose to use both the middle and the maiden name or just the middle name depending on the situation.
- Give your Child your Name
This is ideal for situations where you’re the last in your family. Making your maiden name, your child’s first or middle name ensures that your family name is not lost. This way, your kids will carry on your family’s legacy.
- Your Partner could take your Last Name
This is almost unheard of, but it happens. This is a valid option, and it makes you look good as a couple. People will perceive you as a family that is not afraid to buck tradition.
- Combining your Names to Make a New Married Name
If the combination of both of your names forms a beautiful name, you might as well go this route. If not, you can decide to choose an entirely new name for both of you.
All in all, make sure that you effect Name Change After Marriage to make the new name official.
Conclusion
Name changing after marriage is not a light matter. Whatever decision you make, make sure that you listen to your heart. It’s a deliberate decision that require sobriety. You also need to follow the right procedure to make it happen.
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